As a newlywed I have been learning so many different things about my spouse, living with someone, and also what it means to be a wife. One of the many joys of marriage is that you get to pick up on all of the little things your man does that may seem odd or strange to you. Mind you- these may not be bad things, they’re just different from how you would do something.
For instance, when it came to decorating our apartment, I pretty much had free reign to make it look exactly how I liked it- warm, cozy, and inviting. Thankfully, those were all things we could agree on. One thing we didn’t always agree on was my constant desire to stylize every inch of space in our home; every surface, area, nook and cranny had to look like it came out of a magazine. And of course as I made my way through our apartment I arrived in some areas that we designated as “his” area. And while they were small, I couldn’t help but keep continue to find myself making little changes here and there to things like his dresser or his bed side table. During the day I would switch things around or try something different and when he would come home from work I was eager to hear his praise at how much he loved when I changed around his things to make them “look better”. But much to my dismay, when he would arrive home and look at his dresser and night stand… no encouraging words, no accolades of appreciation for what I had done. Instead, I got the sweetest and kindest words a man could have said, “Babe, you know it’s okay for me to have my space too, right?”
Ai yai yai. Guilt hit me like a punch in the stomach.
I immediately felt so bad for inserting myself into his areas (even as small as they were). I remembered that this was OUR home that WE share together, and how alienated it must make him feel if he walks into our apartment and it feels more like my home rather than both of ours. The next day I put the things he wanted out back where they belonged and promised myself that no matter how much it irked me, I wouldn’t completely take over anymore.
After all, this is our home that we are creating together. And, a lesson I always need to remind myself of- nothing is perfect, and grasping for perfection is futile and waste of my time and emotion.
When sharing scenarios such as this with a dear friend, she very wisely stated, “Sometimes in marriage you adapt to things because it is important to your husband.” That was exactly what this was- making a small change in my mind to give something to him. Adapting to his style. Adapting to how he has to have the tv and radio volume on an even number. Adapting to the fact that he refills the toilet paper roll over rather than under. All of these little quirks may be different from what I would do, but they are what makes him who he is; and he is my man and my true love.
So I’ll just keep adapting. What sort of things have you had to adapt to?